Physicists the world over are tremendously excited at this week's discovery of the long-sought Higgs boson, an interesting subatomic particle. It might hold the secrets of the universe, we're told, which is why the vulgar media have taken to calling it the God particle.

Amazing that it should come to us from Switzerland, a small and largely vertical nation hitherto known only as a source of cuckoo clocks, chocolate and discreet banking advice for African heads of state.

''We have reached a milestone in our understanding of nature,'' exulted Rolf Heuer, the director general of CERN on Wednesday. CERN - I had to google it - is the Organisation Europeenne pour la Recherche Nucleaire, which sounds like a lot of fun.

I should confess an interest here. Or lack of interest, really. I quit studying physics in year 9 after abjectly failing to snuff out some burning magnesium in a bell jar, a calamity that haunts me still. So, I am no expert at quantifying the emotions of physicists.

But, on Harvard University's widely accepted Kanye-Goetcher-Roxov scale, this week's excitement has been registered as high as 23.67 giga-Hawkings, or about the wow factor generated by Archimedes's cry of ''Eureka!'' as he leapt from his bath and ran naked down the streets of Syracuse circa 220 BC. Within the 2.5 per cent margin for statistical error, anyway.

To put that in lay terms, it's about as thrilling as discovering a Sydney restaurant that does a main course for under $50, or that Barnaby Joyce won't be on Q&A next Monday.

However, I urge caution. We must make sure this is not another scientific hoax like the wicked climate change conspiracy foisted upon us so the socialists can redistribute the world's wealth. CERN and the Higgs boson boffins should run their findings past Alan Jones, Lord Monckton, Cardinal Pell and others who know what they're talking about.

It will save a lot of trouble. Only the other day, Alan was in Melbourne explaining to an adoring crowd of 100 people that climate change is just ''propaganda''. It may be the poor chap is barking mad, of course. Breakfast radio can do that to you. I got out myself just before those nice young men in their clean white coats arrived with the padded van.

But science is too important to be left to the scientists.

Mike Carlton