I had written
him a letter, which I had, for want of better

Knowledge, sent
to where I met him at the wheat board, years ago.

He was chairman
when I knew him, so I sent the letter to him

Just on spec, to
make the point that "Howard doesn't want to know".

And an e-mail
came directed, not entirely unexpected

(And I think the
same was written in some Middle Eastern bar).

'Twas his CEO
who wrote it, and verbatim I will quote it:

"Trevor
Flugge's gone to Baghdad, and we don't know where he are.

"But when
he left Australia, he was going to meet with Alia,

"A trucking
mob in Jordan, who were keen to grease the wheels.

"For 10
percent commission, they could swing Saddam's permission

"To get our
wheat accepted; it's the mother of all deals.

"But I
guarantee, Prime Minister, that there's nothing at all sinister.

"The chaps
at DFAT told us that the sums looked quite okay.

"When
you're selling wheat in billions, what's a quick 300 million?

"If it
keeps the Nationals happy, it's a tiny price to pay."

Sitting here at
Kirribilli, I've been thinking, willy-nilly,

That it's
somehow reminiscent of the children overboard:

But I can handle
Rudd and Beazley, as I always do, quite easily

By endlessly
protesting that there's nothing untoward.

I'll tell Bush
next time I meet him at The White House, when I greet him,
That I'm sure
he'll understand about the wheat board's quid pro quo.
He'll forgive
this minor error in the global war on terror
When I look him
in the eye and tell him Howard didn't know.
 

Mike Carlton