This planet was demoted by the Intergalactic Council from a natural beauty to a humanoid dump long ago. The problem started a few thousands of years ago when some idiots believed that they had committed a silly crime. The legends goes that there were only two stupid people, the name of whom were Eve and Adam who should have known better. 

But this is only a neat false tall tale to make us swallow our bellicose instincts. From then on, we did split ourselves between the good guys (the Jews) and the bad guys (the Romans, the Philistine, the Arabs, the godless Krauts, the Babylonians, the Chinese, the Indians, many other people and the golden calves).

This sad long boring fake story in which the name of god appears 2,143,879 times took hold of our brain and to confirm we were the good guys, we respectively invented other stupid human-induced events to find solutions for, in the most despicable ways.

In short, we, the oldies have fucked up. We have lied. We have been lied to. We did invent fantasies and fake narratives to support our damaging actions which by now, in 2017 (or 4,201,264,759 natural Earth years) are fast coming to roost. The dump is not looking good and we cannot hide it any more from view, even by gardening a few golf courses in front of it to make us remember the idealised place we never lived in before Eve and Adam fucked it up.

So instead of inheriting a nice place for your future, we have given you a dump. Sorry kiddies. The list of crap is long and we even have invented a way to blow up this dump and this planet at the same time, because the dump and the planet are the one and the same place. We even have given the red button for this terminal idiocy to the most idiotic leader on the planet. Call this a desperate gamble if you will, because the odds are not good. 

I tell you, we’re dumb. Old people and wisdom never really cut it together. Ninety nine per cent of us are incontinent, brain deficient if not completely in the grip of dementia and we cannot lift a fork to feed ourselves. Should we be in pain, we have developed a “health” system that automatically loads us with morphine and other opiates, those drugs we could not get legally when we were young and dancing at Woodstock. So we got pissed instead and fucked the place some more.

There could be some nice unoccupied corners of this planet that still appear green, untouched and lovely, but they are full of rat poison, their sky is full of warming gases and their oceans are full of plastic bits that are killing the food chain. Here is a broom and a mop. I’ve just spewed on the floor as well.

Not only we have transformed this place into a garbage heap, we have educated you, the young, to become even more selfishly self-absorbed that we ever were. We’ve given you the tools of narcissism incorporated, in the form of communication tablets of different sizes which only demand the minimal one-thum effort to manage. You cannot lift a shovel nor load a dishwasher. That’s what dads and mums, or nannies are for. We’ve fed you with oversized portions of over-sugared buns full of fake cheese loaded with preservatives and overdoses of vitamins that would kill a dog. So now you’re fat, susceptible to diabetes and massive heart problems. At least when we were young, we would die on the battlefield, trying to defend the honour of a useless colourful flag rather than cark it in a cushy hospital from a blocked artery.

So please blame us, when you run out of intellect to sort out the mess we left you in... Oh, we saw it coming! Yes we did! But we could not be bothered doing anything about it, because that would run contrary to our beliefs in burning candles to the god of fossils. We also were too absorbed in looking at our reflection in the glossy magazines, the newspeak-cycles and the brainwashing journals of the day. They still tell us bullshit in a nice way to believe crap-on-a-stick is nice. Now, as we’re about to turn into fossils ourselves, it’s your turn to muck it up.

Old Gus

Retired since 1983...