OVER THE YEARS, I HAVE COLLECTED A LOT OF BOOKS ABOUT CARTOONING AND ART…

ONE OF MY MOST RECENT ACQUISITION, POSSIBLY GIVEN TO ME BY FRIENDS OR FAMILY WHO INHERITED THE BOOK FROM A DECEASED ESTATE WAS “THE REJECTION COLLECTION”.

IT’S A COLLECTION OF WELL-KNOWN CARTOONISTS AND THEIR REJECTED CARTOONS FROM ”THE NEW YORKER”.

ONE CAN UNDERSTAND THAT THE AUGUST PUBLICATION ONLY DEMANDS CARTOONS THAT ARE WHIMSICAL, FUNNY AND WITHIN THE BOUNDS OF ACCEPTED DECENCY.

CARTOONS OF A DRUNK DOWN-AND-OUT VENTRILOQUIST DRINKING BOOZE ON THE STREET WHILE HIS DUMMY IS CHUCKING A DOG’S BREAKFAST OUT, IS A NO-NO….

OR THE WOMAN HAVING HAD SEX WITH PINOCCHIO, DEMANDING TO BE LIED TO AGAIN IS AN “OFFENDING” CARTOON TO BE REJECTED. AMONGST THESE FAMOUS CARTOONISTS IS OUR OWN GLEN LeLIEVRE, WHOSE FAMOUS CARTOON ABOUT A RELAXED JEWISH GUY USING HIS TV REMOTE CONTROL TO BLOW UP PALESTINIANS GOT THE IRE OF OUR JEWISH COMMUNITY AND WAS REMOVED FROM CIRCULATION, EXCEPT POSSIBLY ON THIS SITE — AND REPEATED A COUPLE OF TIMES TO MAKE A POINT.

ONE OF THE FEATURE OF THIS REJECTION BOOK IS A QUESTIONAIRE ABOUT WHY THESE CARTOONISTS DID WHAT THEY DO.

THE QUESTIONAIRE SEEMS TO HAVE BEEN WRITTEN BY A CARTOONIST, MATTHEW DIFFEE.

HAVING DONE CARTOONS SINCE 1951, I THOUGH IT COULD BE INTERESTING TO FILL IN THE FORM MYSELF. HERE IS IT IN CAPS (MOST CARTOONISTS WRITE IN CAPS — CAP IN HAND, AHAHA):

Self-portrait:

SEE ABOVE.

How did you learn how to draw that way?

GOD MADE ME DO IT — I AM A RABID ATHEIST THOUGH.

My first cartoon?

POLICE OFFICER AND ARMY GENERAL DOING THINGS TO EACH OTHER. NOT PUBLISHABLE ACCORDING TO "THE NEW YORKER" GUIDELINES...

Why cartooning?

I CAN DO ANYTHING — EXCEPT SINGING, DANCING AND REMEMBERING ANYTHING

When I’m not cartooning, I ….

I DON’T DO SINGING, NO DANCING AND I DO FORGET A LOT OF THING.

I admire …

THE NEANDERTHALS WHO INVENTED COFFEE. VERY CLEVER.

How has your work, or the way you work, changed over time?…

ALTHOUGH I STILL USE PENCILS, PEN AND BRUSHES, BEING NATURALLY LAZY, I STORE BITS (FACES, OBJECTS AND FAECES) ON A MILLION COMPUTER FILES WITH A MESSY RETRIEVAL SYSTEM THAT IS DISORGANISED.

I’m not crazy about:

THE LIST IS LONG BUT LET'S START WITH ALL THE US PRESIDENTS I HAVE LIVED ALONGSIDE — AND CAN REMEMBER — FROM EISENHOWER TO THE LATEST OLD DEMENTED FOOL.

Write a question to which you might answer ‘absolutely not.”

DOES ABSOLUTE EXIST?

Most cartoonists I know are ….

DEAD.

Number the 20 items in the list below in their importance to your life:

1, 2 AND 3: COFFEE, BOOZE AND BANDAIDS, NOT ESPECIALLY IN THIS ORDER

Circle any (of the 40) items that you have never drawn:

I’VE DRAWN EVERYTHING, INCLUDING GOD.

When I’m having a hard time coming up with ideas, I ….

I GET TOO MANY IDEAS! MOSTLY CRUMMY ONES.....

What’s the hardest part of cartooning?

FOSSICKING THROUGH MY DISORGANISED FILING SYSTEM AND THROUGH GOOGLE WHICH IS WORSE THAN MY FILING SYSTEM.

How do you deal with rejection?

REJECTION?

Where do you keep your rejected cartoons?

IN DIGITAL HEAVEN, BUT IT'S EMPTY OF REJECTED CARTOONS.

My advice to ………… would be?

MY ADVICE TO THE POPE WOULD BE TO STOP PRETENDING.

Where do you see yourself in ten minutes?

TEN MINUTES IS AN ETERNITY WHEN YOU’RE OLD…

And lastly, what are some things that make you laugh and why?

SUNRISES, BECAUSE THEY TELL ME I’M STILL ALIVE.

Draw something in this space that will help us understand your childhood:

(I PAINTED THIS IN MY PREVIOUS INCARNATION. I DON’T BELIEVE IN GOD, NOR IN REINCARNATION, BUT I WAS PRECOCIOUS)

Dice apple is to Waldorf salad as ….. is to my cartoons.

WHAT IS WALDORF SALAD?

To me this (PICTURE OF AN) inkblot is …

CRAZY. IT TAKES ONE TO KNOW ONE.

Circle the funniest word:

CODPIECE (NOT ON THE LIST)

Circle the funnies bird:

SEAGULLS (NOT ON THE LIST) BECAUSE THEY TRY HARD NOT TO BE FUNNY.

True or false:

THE ANSWER TO THE THREE QUESTION IS PINEAPPLE.

I HATE CATS.

I’m afraid of….

I’M NOT AFRAID OF GOD — I AM AN ATHEIST.

For me cartooning is ……% drawing and ….. % writing.

5% DRAWING, 5% WRITING AND 90% FOSSICKING THROUGH MY DISORGANISED FILING SYSTEM AND THROUGH GOOGLE WHICH IS WORSE THAN MY FILING SYSTEM.

I SWORE OVER THE BIBLE TO TELL THE TRUTH, NOTHING BUT THE TRUTH, SO HELP ME GOD. BUT I DON’T BELIEVE IN GOD — I’M AN ATHEIST. A RABID ONE AT THAT. SO?

FREE JULIAN ASSANGE NOW..................