It won't be long before the show trial of the century will be staged in New York.

Yes folks, the creature from the dark side; the most evil man on the planet; America's nemesis .... no, not Usama ..... but the one & only Khalid Sheikh Mohammed. Hollywood can't wait.  

Of course, there is universal agreement that the events of September 11, 2001 altered the course of history. However, the response of the bushit administration to that tragedy eventually had a far greater impact than the original events.

Seen in that light, Oct. 14, 2001 was an even more momentous day.

That was the day gorgeous george bushit rejected an offer by the Taliban to hand over Usama bin Laden, the then alleged mastermind of the terror wrought in New York.

Afghanistan's then deputy prime minister, Haji Abdul Kabir, had announced that if the United States stopped bombing Afghanistan & produced evidence of bin Laden's involvement in 9/11, "we would be ready to hand him over".

But bushit & his holy band of neo-con warriors kept on bombing & never once gave-up on their mission to bring the real mastermind responsible for waging war on our way of life to justice .....

So today, with Usama bin Laden & his much maligned deputy, Ayman al-Zawahiri, still at large & suddenly redundant, we can joyously celebrate the stunning victory of the coalition of the willing in the "global war on terra".

Yes my fellow citizens, having spent more than US$1,000 billion on its global war on terra; having brought death to more than a million people, including more than 30,000 of its own citizens; having destroyed the sovereign nation of Iraq & stolen its resources; having debased its own founding ideals & values & having abandoned the very principles that it was allegedly defending, bushit's interrogators have given us the super hairy criminal genius, Khalid Sheikh Mohammed, claiming that he was single-handedly responsible for the whole evil affair

Thank God it's over .... our fears can be banished & we can now concern ourselves with more pedestrian ambitions, such as aspiring for more prosperity.

Saved we've been.

Whilst I know it will be hard for some to believe, there can be no denying the reliability of the supposed confession of Mohammed. After all, he has been detained & nurtured by Rumsfeld's hand picked carers at Guantanamo Bay for the past eight years & subjected to 183 instances of waterboarding.

The transcripts of Mohammed's hearing - part of proceedings that occurred at the popular Amerikan Gulag, Guantanamo Bay - publicly reveal the evil one's confession to a stunning range of terrorist plots. These include both the 1993 & 2001 assaults on the World Trade Center, as well as the beheading of the Wall Street Journal reporter Daniel Pearl. Mohammed boasts he had complete or partial participation in 31 terror plots, some of which were never ultimately carried out.

"I decapitated with my blessed right hand the head of the American Jew, Daniel Pearl, in the city of Karachi, Pakistan," Mohammed is quoted as saying in a transcript of a military hearing at Guantanamo Bay, Cuba, notwithstanding the fact that three other "terrarists" had previously been arrested, tried & executed for the 2002 murder.

Among the breathtaking list of crimes that Mohammed has confessed to were:

• the 1993 World Trade Center bombing
• the 9/11 attacks, from A to Z
• the shoe bomber operation to down two American planes
• planning to bomb the Panama Canal &
• planning to assassinate several former Amerikan presidents, including Presidents Carter & Clinton
• a 2002 shooting on an island off Kuwait that killed a US Marine, according to an account released by the Pentagon
• trying to kill Pope John Paul II
• plotting the assassination of Pakistani President Pervez Musharraf
• the 2002 bombing of a Kenya beach resort frequented by Israelis
• the failed missile attack on an Israeli passenger jet, after it took off from Mombasa, Kenya
• the bombing of a nightclub in Bali, Indonesia that killed more than 200
• planned attacks against the Sears Tower in Chicago, the Empire State Building & New York Stock Exchange in New York City; the Panama Canal, Big Ben & Heathrow Airport in London
• the bombing of the USS Cole

No wonder no-one has worried about Usama.

According to bushit's boys, Mohammed single-handedly took on the entire western world & is personally responsible for most of the death & destruction we have witnessed across the world for aeons.

Anonymous sources from the Outhouse claim that the crimes revealed during Mohammed's Guantanamo hearing are "just the tip of the iceberg" & that a far more comprehensive list will be released in the near future.

Speculation is rife that the terra mastermind, Mohammed, will ultimately confess to an even more dazzling array of crimes, including:

• the collapse of the former soviet union
• the Stock market crash of 1929
• the sinking of the Maine
• Lisa "Left-Eye" Lopes' fatal car accident
• the second Star Wars trilogy
• Bruce Springsteen's career-long failure to get a number one single
• the proliferation of weapons of mass destruction
• the Lindberg kidnapping
• MacDonalds
• Jimmy Hoffa's disappearance
• Paris Hilton
• the sinking of the Lusitania
• bank charges
• the great Chicago fire
• the Sydney Hilton bombing
• the drought
• the great plague
• the GST
• children overboard
• hurricane Katrina
• the Sydney harbour tunnel
• global poverty
• the Coogee riots
• the star wars defence system
• 4 wheel drives
• Fox News
• the disappearance of Harold Holt
• asbestosis
• cane toads
• the road toll
• big brother
• AWB
• the health system
• clean coal
• Hiroshima & Nagasaki
• Santo Santoro's share portfolio
• the disappearance of Juanita Neilson
• Coles share price
• AIDS
• Elvis
• public transport
• whaling
• the destruction of the environment
• global warming
• peak oil
• free trade
• firing from the grassy knoll
• Harry Potter
• staging the moon landing in Arizona
• formulating New Coke
• designing the Edsel
• the drought
• kicking dogs &
• stealing milk money

It seems that the "Global War On Terra" really should have been the "Global War on a Terrarist" all along.

Lucky for us that there wasn't two of them.